UPS' Idea of "Fragile" is Not the Same as Mine

I sent Satan some, ah, souvenirs. (Yeah! That's the ticket.) His home brew club is having a, ah, souvenir competition and the entry deadline is Saturday. So I entrusted "Brown" with 7 bottles of, ah, souvenirs. When the gal at the shipping office slapped the stickers on, I sort of expected this. UPS takes them as a challenge. If you leave them off, the box arrives in pristine condition.

Maybe it wasn't souvenirs. Maybe it was yeast samples in nutrient. Or kitchen supplies. Or sauces and marinades.

Please, AHA! Help me stop lying to UPS.